Sunday, November 30, 2008

Mumbai- a sickening act of cruelty.

The cruelty of the religious fanatics and the tragedy in Mumbai can never be justified. God's Army (which ever franchise) sicken me. This is not the only time I have been sickened by religious fanatics creating murder in that part of India.
The Hindu massacre of Muslims in Gujarat was a foul event that the world ignored. The victims were mainly poor and Muslim. Nothing justifies violence but ignoring injustice is never going to make peace.
Check this page if you want to find more about Gujarat in 2002.
http://discardedlies.com/entry/?2401

Just in case I haven't alienated enough people...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Anti God! Pro Human!

Rant number one
A dear friend of mine wrote to me after Herrad posted about her death on her blog. She shared with me how painful her fathers last days were. He was a heavy smoker and had a short but very painful death from lung cancer. At the end he begged to be killed. He was too sick to get to the clinic in Switzerland from the UK so he had to wait to the bitter agonizing end.
I was very fond of the gentleman and hated to think of him suffering but a bitter irony hit me. He was a Christian conservative. His homophobic anti-science superstitious church and the Conservative and Unionist Party that he supported (until it became a positively treacherous act for a Scotsman to vote for Maggie Thatcher) lobbied against any reform of the suicide act because it is God’s will that people suffer and He alone can decide when you die. As an atheist I find it disgusting that people die worse than animals because of other people’s ghostie stories.
I can not handle the fact that Herrad will die. My only conciliation is to make it easy and gentle for her. If I could stop it I would. How ever we handle this it is as private and intimate as any part of our marriage and neither preachers lawyers or even doctors have a right to interfere.
Rant number two
We had visit yesterday from two lovely men. One we have known for twenty years and the other we have met only a few times over five years. They met each other after both had rough times with their previous partners. They are still very much in love. To see the power of gay love for my two friends warms my heart. I have had some nice comments from a man called Steve who has a beautiful man who is in about the same condition as Herrad. It was very nice to hear from him. I had a look at their blog. What a very nice family they seem to have. Lots of love to Steve and BoRobert. It was nice to hear from them just when I was thinking sweet thoughts about my friends.
Rant two point five
Funny enough on Thursday an old English comedian #Barry Cryer was asked (on a radio show) what he hated about his generation of comics “Homophobia” he answered, long pause- waiting for a BC killer tag “No I am not joking it has always sickened me.” Huge cheers and applause exploded from the studio audience. I have always loved his humor and it was great to have my high opinion of the man confirmed. He has been married to the same woman about all his adult life. Lucky man… I was thirty before I found Herrad. Wasted years… back on subject: Homophobia (homohaat homo hate in Dutch) is still rife in much of Europe and queer bashing even happens in Gay friendly Amsterdam.
Is it the Vice President of the USA who is Christian right on all issues bar lesbians, ‘cos his wee lassie is one?
Poland is not a fit country for European Union membership because it is not safe for gay people to live there or even visit. Iran and Saudi Arabia murder gay people. Gay rights are human rights and we should not consider a person civilized if they can not accept the right for people to live differently from them. Again it is that stupid God Ghostie Man story- self righteous murderous superstitious bunch of halfwits interfering in other peoples lives. Mind yer own business! As for the the rest of you: you have my permission to be queer if you choose but please let me leave before “Mama Mia” starts!
#Barry Cryer available at very reasonable rates
http://www.speakerscorner.co.uk/file/8094e3e43f107d339441b830bb78a7c4/cryer-barry.html

Friday, November 21, 2008

'kin hell

Oh shit. First of all just say Herrad is OK. Only a scratch on her head. She fell out the bloody hoist this evening and struck her head on the bed frame.
My heroine neighbour (one of Amsterdams finest) was down as quick as a sick women can. The ambulance was slow comming (we had just had a big storm) but once here they were reasuringly profesional and friendly in aproach. Herrrad was soon joking around with them as she lay on the floor. They lifted her back into bed and dressed the wound. It was only a scratch but like all scalp wounds it bled impresively.
The lift has a pincer grip that closes on the victims waist as the weight of the legs pull down on stirups that sit under the thighs. Herrad has got too floppy to get in the thing right and we will have to use the sling. It worked very well just now which is great because the last sling we used was very painful for Herrad and she was prety scared of this one but it went ok. Soon I will put her back in bed and we can try to sleep after this unexpected exitment. Bloody hell I dropped her on her head AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Comments

Thanks for the comments. Herrad showed me them last night. Till then I had no idea. thank you so much for the support. I will set it up to get notification when they are posted so I can respond. Thank you for reading. Love to you all.

Knackered but getting happier!

I Just wrote something profound and whitty then blogger crashed. I'm too knackered to retrace the tinking. Oh well. Any way I had a good day and now the kitchen is top clean gleaming and hygenic. I hung some prety things up in the bedroom and hung a lamp in the living room. I am getting less depressed with each action. This is me trying to get back on course after realising our time together is limited. I will work to make it a good time.
The nurse was round today and praised my care of the wound. It is already getting less deep and looks clean and less angry. Maybe she can sit up in the spring! I miss going out together very much. I even avoid the market stalls where I know they will ask after Herrad. I hate being asked when I have no good news. Maybe soon I can tell them she will be comming herself again.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This is my few minutes. Dinner is in the oven. The dogs are fed and licking their paws contentedly in their beds. Herrad is waiting to decide wether to get up go on the motormed and have her wound treated then eat dinner or eat dinner and then get up. I hope we get it done by ten pm then I get a bit of time in the evening. What ever. I have my minute and will sneak off to play a bit of banjo (be glad you do not have to hear it) and smoke a little bit if weed. Weed is a analgesic for me too! Today I had a glorius afternoon: I steamcleaned the bathroom! Impressive eh? So now I will bask in glory and prepare for future triumphs.
I have just realised that unlike my text my spell checker is in Dutch. I have not been checking so I hope the copy is not to messy.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I am too knackered. It is lack of sleep and no breaks. Things have combined to make me very mentally volatile. I seem to have developed my weird tendencies to more extreme behaviour. I find my self shouting random sentences- now this is something I did cultivate in my youth after reading a book of surealist poets but I had no warning that I would take it up. No warning what so ever. I just laughed 'You can shave your hedgehog but it still wont make it an avacado'
I dont go to that supermarket often so I dont mind. I call it "Perrins' syndrome". Usualy it strikes when I am alone with the dogs and it is addressed towards the dogs. They have learned to ignore it as it involves neither walks or treats so whats the point? My only solution is to keep my hands free thingy on my phone so I pretend to be responding to some unseen person.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Herrad wrote this out 5/3/2008. Since then things have changed as she now has an horrific pressure wound on her right buttock and can not sit up. I have to dress that twice a day. Just skimm through- to dull to read it all.

Daily Tasks.

Enquire how the night was

Fetch painkillers and water.

Check for sores around ears and neck and apply cream.

Adjust position in bed.

And check nightclothes are sitting comfortably.

Check and adjust pillow for maximum neck support.

Put on disposable gloves.

Empty catheter bag

Make sure it’s properly closed.

Prepare breakfast in bite size pieces.

Adjust position in bed to sitting up.

Place bed table by bed at correct height.

Bring breakfast and tea and water.

Assist with eating and drinking.

Assist in taking pills (baclofen)

Start daily stretching and massaging session.

Legs first, each leg 20 mins of several slow stretching exercises with pauses.

Stops muscles from getting shorter and helps reduce spasms.

Then arm stretching and rotating exercises, each arm 20 mins of slow stretching and rotating exercises with pauses.

Check catheter bag and empty, always wear gloves.

Make sure bathroom is warm.

Check position in bed.

Bring hoist near bed.

Fetch shower chair.

Raise shower chair.

Place in sitting position.

Place lifting stirrups under legs and clamps around midriff.

Check body correctly and safely held by hoist.

Then lift out of bed.

Place in shower chair.

Remove lifting stirrups from under legs and clamps around midriff

Make sure position in chair is good.

Adjust by tilting shower chair to care position and gently moving to correct position.

Then adjust shower chair height.

Wheel chair into bathroom.

Place by washbasin.

Put handgrip on toothbrush.

Put toothpaste on brush.

Place in hand.

Assist when needed.

Pass cup of water for rinsing mouth.

Wash face and dry gently.

Raise height of shower chair.

Place shower chair above toilet.

Turn extractor fan on.

Return to bathroom when finished.

Gently wipe bottom.

Carefully remove tape and heel protectors.

Check water is correct temperature.

Place shower chair under shower.

Adjust to lying down position.

Gently wash feet first.

Dry feet.

Massage feet and apply cream.

Reapply heel protectors and tape.

Remove clothes.

Then gently wash top half.

Make sure dry and covered.

Turn shower chair around.

Check sores on bottom.

Gently wash bottom half of body.

Dry carefully dabbing and not rubbing to avoid damaging skin.

Carefully apply cream to entire body.

Then apply antiseptic cream to sores and mepitel bandage.

Adjust shower chair to care position to put on wrap round disposable pants.

Carefully put on long underpants.

Slowly to avoid friction to skin.

Be careful at all times to avoid triggering spasms.

Adjust shower chair to sitting position.

Make sure position in chair is good.

Adjust if needed.

After consultation fetch clothes.

Adjust shower chair to care position to put on trousers.

Carefully put on trousers.

Be careful at all times to avoid triggering spasms.

Adjust shower chair to sitting position.

Then carefully complete dressing.

Putting on tops takes time to avoid too much pain.]

After tops are on check neck/throat/ears for red patches.

These are caused when tops are put on.

Apply cream to red patches.

Once dressed wheel shower chair into bedroom.

Place lifting stirrups under legs and clamps around midriff.

Check body correctly and safely held by hoist.

Then lift out of shower chair.

Remove shower chair.

Place electric wheelchair under hoist.

Tilt electric wheelchair.

Carefully put into wheelchair.

Adjust chair to sitting up position.

Check sitting position.

If not sitting correctly adjust.

Always make sure chair is not switched on when adjusting sitting position.

Bathroom routine takes two hours.

Turn radio on.

Wheel standing aid (sta-tafel) into front room.

Place strap around below hips attach to table and hoist to standing position.

Stand for ten minutes.

Make tea and fill water bottle.

Place two plastic cups on table..

Half fill one cup with tea and one with water.

Check temperature of tea.

Pass cup of tea.

Assist in drinking.

Sit and talk about plans for the day.

Talk about the stress and emotions that the ms causes.

Check in calender for appointments and reminders.

Make calls.

Dial numbers and hand phone over.

Log appointments.

Place feet carefully on foot rests of motomed.

Take care not to trigger painful spasms.

Secure feet and legs.

Make sure feet are strapped in properly.

This stops any possible damage to legs/feet/heels.

Plug in and select program for legs.

Check it’s on slow speed.

Stay close to assist.

Lower speed when necessary.

After 10 minutes change to arm exercises.

Arm exercises take five minutes.

Then turn off machine and unplug.

Place feet carefully on foot rests of wheel chair.

Again take care not to trigger painful spasms

Check sitting position.

If not sitting correctly adjust.

Tilt chair to adjust position in chair.

Due to the ms body temperature fluctuates.

One minute hot then cold.

Check clothes are not sweaty.

Change if needed.

Check room temperature is good.

Open window if needed.

Or turn on heating if cold.

Check position in chair.

Give two pills (acetylsoalicyl &perindopril)

One dissolved in water.

One swallowed with water.

Place pill in mouth

Prepare lunch.

Place bed table over chair at correct height.

Serve lunch

Place the two plastic cups this time one with juice the other with water on table.

Assist with eating and drinking.

Cut up food when needed.

Feed when asked.

Wash face and hands.

Check catheter bag and empty, always wear gloves.

Check sitting position.

If not sitting correctly adjust.

Tilt chair to adjust position in chair.

Ensure there’s a break to rest.

Assist in tilting chair.

Select requested audio book

Insert disc in machine.

Make sure juice/tea/water is available

Stay nearby.

While resting check medical and care items in bathroom.

Phone doctor for repeat prescriptions.

Organise bedroom.

Check clothes.

Wash if needed.

Collect dry clothes and fold and store.

Suggest going out.

Check catheter bag and empty, as always wear gloves.

Put on jacket and leg cover.

Place wheelchair bag with water bottle/ plastic cup on back of chair.

Check rain cape/hat/scarf and gloves are in bag.

Assist in leaving.

Call lift.

Make sure doors stay open.

Select ground floor.

Downstairs clear corridor of bikes.

Accompany to market and shops.

Every now and then check sitting position.

Make sure not hanging too much to one side.

If not sitting correctly adjust.

Tilt chair to adjust position in chair.

Stop for occasional breaks.

Assist in drinking some water.

Make sure not cold or too hot.

Adjust clothes if needed.

Help where needed.

Return home

Check catheter bag and empty if needed, as always wear gloves.

Take off jacket and leg cover.

Assist in taking pills (baclofen)

Assist in tilting chair.

Select music.

Discuss what to eat.

Start preparing food.

Make pot of tea.

Fill cups with water and tea.

Assist in taking painkillers.

Sit and talk while food is cooking.

Place bed table over chair at correct height.

Serve dinner.

Place the two plastic cups this time one with juice the other with water on table..

Assist with eating and drinking.

Cut up food when needed.

Feed when asked.

Wash face and hands.

Check catheter bag and empty, always wear gloves.

Wheel standing aid (sta-tafel) into front room.

Place strap around below hips attach to table and hoist up to standing position.

Stand for ten minutes.

Place back into w/chair.

Check sitting position.

If not sitting correctly adjust.

Tilt chair to adjust position in chair.

Make tea and fill water bottle.

Place two plastic cups on table..

Half fill one cup with tea and one with water.

Check temperature of tea.

Pass cup of tea.

Assist in drinking.

Assist in taking pills (simvastatine)

Prepare some fruit.

Mobile phone reminders for next day.

Assist with drinking of water.

Assist in taking pills (baclofen)

Make sure bathroom is warm.

Go into bedroom.

Bring hoist near chair

Fetch shower chair.

Raise shower chair.

Place in sitting position.

Place lifting stirrups under legs and clamps around midriff.

Check body correctly and safely held by hoist.

Then lift out of w/chair.

Place in shower chair.

Remove lifting stirrups from under legs and clamps around midriff

Make sure position in chair is good.

Adjust by tilting shower chair to care position and gently moving to correct position.

Then adjust shower chair height.

Wheel shower chair into bathroom.

Place under washbasin.

Put handgrip on toothbrush.

Put toothpaste on brush.

Place in hand.

Assist when needed.

Pass cup of water for rinsing mouth.

Wash face and dry gently.

Put on disposable gloves.

Check catheter bag

Make sure it’s properly closed.

Then remove tee-shirt and other tops.

Remove trousers and long underpants.

Gently to prevent making skin/friction burns.

Remove disposable underpants.

Check sores.

Carefully remove tape and heel protectors.

Check water is correct temperature.

Place shower chair under shower.

Adjust to lying down position.

Gently wash feet first.

Dry feet.

Massage feet and apply cream.

Then gently wash top half.

Make sure dry and covered.

Turn shower chair around.

Check sores on bottom.

Gently wash bottom half of body.

Dry carefully dabbing and not rubbing to avoid damaging skin.

Carefully apply cream to entire body.

Then apply antiseptic cream to sores and mepitel bandage.

Adjust shower chair to care position to put on wrap round disposable pants.

Carefully put on long underpants.

Slowly to avoid friction to skin.

Be careful at all times to avoid triggering spasms.

Adjust shower chair to lying position.

Make sure position in chair is good.

Adjust if needed.

Put on new pants.

Replace long underpants.

Adjust to sitting posistion.

Put on night tee-shirt.

Replace heel protectors and tape on carefully.

Assist in giving painkillers and sleeping tablets.

Place lifting stirrups under legs and clamps around midriff.

Check body correctly and safely held by hoist.

Then lift out of shower chair..

Place carefully in bed.

Hold feet in position to avoid slipping out of stirrups.

Adjust position in bed.

Move carefully to centre of bed.

Start stretching and massaging session.

Legs first, each leg 20 mins of slow stretching exercises with pauses.

Stops muscles from getting shorter and helps reduce spasms.

Then arm stretching and rotating exercises, each arm 20 minutes of slow stretching and rotating exercises with pauses.

Check catheter bag and empty, always wear gloves.

Check tee-shirt wrinkle free in back.

Position cushions under legs and under arms.

Place pillow under head.

Put on cotton gloves.

Cover up carefully.

Put Vaseline on lips.

Open window.

Turn out light.

Get up twice during night to change position in bed.


Now you see I do quite a lot but all the while I have a crushing feeling that I dont do enough. I feel so guilty for the presure sore. I should have stopped it happening. It was a controlable factor and what pisses me off is it got bad because of my lack of ability to fight the local beuracrats. My Dutch is so bad. I was smilling politenss to a sickening little arsehole from the local authority "advice centre" who stitched us up with a wheelchair that Herrad rattled around like a pingpong ball in the back of a van. I let Herrad do the arguing because of my lack of confidence. I know the outcome would have been more likely to be in our favour if I was in an anglophone environment. I hate myself for not fighting like I should have done.

However my particular wrath is reserved for ARCA (the advice centre for Amsterdam) who have consitantly screwed us with cheapest and least helpful equipment and directly allowed this sore to develop. I wont name check the individuals cos they freaked when Herrad named one when she was given a previous crap wheelchair but to my mind it is a stinking organisation who represent the needs of the acountants and contrators but not the sick and disabled..

MS is a shitty disease...

OK so this is my first post. Why this blog? It is a place where I can express the absolute despair I am feeling as I watch my darling grow sicker and sicker and prepare for her to die. I am desperate because I will out live her. I cant believe in a future without her. I want to scream and rave and smash up the furniture but I dont. I just get on with the daily business of keeping her alive and trying to make her life tolerable. It is getting less good by the month an we both know she will not want to take much more of this shitty disease. I have an email from her, with a letter attached to be printed out. It is her euthanasia letter. It is the first part of the process. I am glad it is legal here (in the Netherlands) we can make rational plans with our trusted doctor but it is still dreadful. I am glad for her that she can set a limit on the pain she suffers. When she dies my pain will continue. I guess we will have next summer after that I dont know.

Well today I cant stop crying and dont know who the hell to talk to so I will address the universe. Well love to you all and stay tuned for more self pity later

Richie