Screwed up little boy.

I woke to Herrad calling out in pain. I did my usual comforting- filling a bag of weed vapour for her, massage then pills. Lifted the dogs onto her bed so Herrad could have a cuddle. It was all OK after a while and Spike and Herrad had a huge love session. Sometimes Spike can not tolerate sharing Herrad with Marleen but today it was OK. We all had the mission to get the smile back on that pretty face again.

I try to be honest open and adult about my emotions but I still let the freaked out desperate child escape from the rational every now and then. Today Herrad said something in a way that hit the button.
My father could be an absolute piece of shit when he got the mind and the way Herrad spoke to me over something trivial was nasty (not very nasty) but nasty in the way my father could be. He would ask questions about something but without giving any information. I would seek to provide the answer he was after but was aware there was something else on the agenda. After a few minutes of fear the misdemeanour would be revealed and I would get a beating. When I got older I would just tell him to piss off and just give him the pleasure of being the executioner- he could miss out on playing prosecuting counsel. The physical bullying was easier to deal with than the emotional bullying. By the time I was fifteen we hated each other and I stopped going home.
Herrad was treated to the answer my Dad should have got. She did not deserve the venom and I am so sorry.
Beatings were done to improve me and to fulfil my fathers duty as a parent. I hated him for thirty years and have had depression problems all my life. Now those beatings even hurt Herrad. Violence (physical, verbal, emotional) does not belong in families.

Pure Class

Wedding shop on Kinkerstraat.

Give us a break!

Oh stuff it. Sad sad sad days these. I read it on other peoples blogs and right here right now. Bad news overwhelming so many people. Pain and loss. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Today we had the nurse round and the wound has not got smaller. It is smaller in circumference but not in depth. It is no worse. It is clean and stable- too stable.
Herrad is all tight lipped and distant. She is aching to get out and about again. I feel desperate. I can feel tears behind my eyes and a big lump in my throat.
Give us a break!

Richie Maguire speaks to the people of Ireland!

Bloody hell! I just can not believe it! Stop now! This is madness!
That is my message to Real IRA and Continuity IRA.
A united Ireland can be achieved by referendum in twenty years time with the changing demographics of the North East of Ireland. The Unionists spotted that and went for a deal, the Provos spotted it and realised that the gun was redundant. A deal was done. that is how war ends- when people do a deal.
Certain individuals have lost their status in the community because of peace. Redundant warriors find it hard to transfer their skills- some have just moved sideways into organised crime others have decided to keep the war going. What else can they do? All their life they have been conditioned to fight the Brits. Ireland has enough martyrs. Today an eighteen year old boy sits awaiting trial for murdering a policeman. He might get out when he is fifty. One grandfather and two young men dead. A Polish man who was delivering pizza to young soldiers was gunned down as a "collaborator".
Britain's iniquitous history in Ireland is coming to end. Let it end with compromise. Reconcilliation is the future.

tired again

I am like a half shut knife today. I need sleep.
Herrad had a bad start and I have felt a bit smashed up since. Off to the shop for emergency chocolate.

Takin it easy

Today I have designated a lazy day. Minimum effort. I will walk the dogs and make dinner and do the maintenance on my 51 Ford. Beyond that nothing more than warm comforting drinks and and a good book. Tomorrow I can do all the crap I am ignoring now.
The classic gag from the late great Humphrey Littleton.
Samantha has a reclining chair and he has a small divan bed- so while she puts her feet up he'll get his head down.

With love