I aint getting none!

How do you talk about this discretely? MS has robbed us of sex. Last try (a couple of years ago) caused Herrad immense spasms. It was obvious that sexual stimulation did not cause pleasant sensations for her. It was a shock for her- not feeling like a 'real woman' and such doubts- and thinking about my previous post about partners leaving. Sex was certainly one of the reasons we got together and a very sweet part of our life together. Losing it was painful but we have much more. Too much to lose.
I am not naturally inclined to chastity. I do not want an affair. I have too many friends who have worked in the sex industry ever to want to be a punter. Masturbation, the solitary vice as Baden Powell called it, is my only release.
I find the the commercial porn industry revolting and the amateur sites evoke pathos rather than Eros. It is not resolvable. I am just going to have to put up with it.
I had the offer of a good shag when I was still working- it scared the shit out of me. I nearly cried. I did not even want to but the idea was torment- just knowing I could. In the next month I put on kilos and I ran when ever I saw the woman.
So the spring is coming, the sap is rising and I look forward to another year with out a Donald Duck.
Herrad must miss it too and she is ill and feeling rotten and here I am whining 'cos I aint getting to do the dance of the chipolata like in the good old days. Men can be very sad.

Amsterdams finest hour!

Today I went to the market and history jumped out on me. On a wall I walk by every Saturday was this.







Feb 1941 The workers of Amsterdam stood up for the city's Jewish community and organised a strike to stop the deportations. Many workers were shot down. Many of the organisers were murdered and the brutes got their way.
The head of the Amsterdam police was a keen collaborator with the occupation and holocaust. He was the lover of the head of the Gestapo. They had met in Paris before the war at the meeting that helped set up Interpol.
With the state giving in to the invader it was real courage for the working class Amsterdamers to support their neighbours. This was the site of the home of one of the organisers of the strike and resistance fighter.
May we never forget them.

Very nice people around.

I have just looked at Herrad's blog and seen all the nice comments people have left for her. I know they mean a lot to her and I am so grateful people take the time. It is a very diverse group. Some friends who have known us before MS. Some friends we have made since MS and some friends from MS blogs. Now she gets serendipitous bloggers who find her via - via. What is really nice is the little group of triathlon and Iron man enthusiasts who have left such lovely comments. Herrad has a particular appreciation of what they are doing. We have looked at some of their blogs, Smashing people! The joy they get from making their bodies as efficient as possible has a great resonance for Herrad. Every morning I wake to hear her call out in pain as she struggles through a routine of arm exercises. For half an hour she battles spasms and pain to repeat each exercise twelve times. Often calling out in pain and using some industrial strength language but always finishing her routine. Today her physio was here and I could hear Herrad calling out as she battled to work her half kilo dumb-bells. She is my inspiration and the reason I go the last mile. She will battle to get as much out of her body as she can and enjoy every moment of life she has.
My Iron Woman

Twenty Years gone: Dom Behan

I left beloved Glasgow in April 89- after I left that year an old acquaintance of mine died and I feel some how that closed a period of my life. He was an obnoxious drunk to some people but he was always kind to me and gave me encouragement. His Marxist (Stalinist) beliefs probably mean he would not have liked to live long enough to see the Berlin wall come down. In his dreams it came down from the other side and the tanks of the Red Army came rumbling across to liberate the people of Europe.
Never the less he was a great song writer and a hell of a pool hustler. Last time I saw him I was with his old mate and fellow Dubliner Freddy Winters (poet and playwright) getting hammered. If I remember Fred was talking about the shared aspect of our career (hammer men on a rail track laying gang)when Dom could be heard raising his voice. "Sorry Richie man- the Behan fella has started on about dialectic materialism- time to get him home!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominic_Behan




Glasgow is a truly great city and worth getting to know. It has many problems, many faults but remains a great place with great people.
http://www.seeglasgow.com/

My loved ones.

The lunatics who I live with- Herrad on the road a fine site.

A visit from Super Nurse

Our fortnightly visit from the specialist pressure sore nurse Ton Peeks went very well.
The wound has shrunk by a centimetre. It is a slow process but we are back on course. When we started the wound was nine centimetres deep, finishing just short of the bone.
I saw Ton's photo's of the first visit. Shocking. Today we all couldn't stop smiling and congratulating each other. Ton has been a great support and his advice and encouragement have helped me through this last six months.
We are both feeling good- talk of wheel chairs in the next month! Here comes the summer! Herrad and Marlene shared a moment on the bed after!

Such a lovely city!

This was my day trip on Saturday. The funny building in the middle was once bought by speculators with a view to knock it down and put an office in it's place. Squatters occupied it for years and did what they could to preserve it until the City of Amsterdam was forced to recognise it and it was declared a monument and money found to save it.