Herrad and Spike in the morning.

Herrad woke up crying this morning. I had just roused and went to the bog and stuck the heating on. I sneaked back into bed to find Spike had got there first for his morning cuddle. We settled down under the duvet for ten minutes till the radiators warmed up. Herrad started crying. At first I did not know if it was her just calling out from the pain she goes through first thing but today it had a rhythm and sobs began to punctuate the moans. I went and knelt next to her bed and stroked her hair. She could not tell me what it was that was making her cry- one thing, everything, what ever. I know why she is crying. I ask in case-just in case- it is something I can help with. But I know it is not. All I can do is hold her hand and stroke her hair and hope she feels less sad soon. Spike came over and joined us. For a crazy Jack Russell he can be incredibly sweet and gentle at times like these but even when he is being sweet he can not help but be comical. Soon his presence broke the gloom and then Marlene came to join us and the sadness was lost in a favourite game. Spike loves his ball, Marlene will sit ignoring the ball but only centimetres from it, Spike tries to get the ball, Marlene snaps at him and she picks it up. It can go on for hours. Herrad broke it up this morning by alerting Marlene to pigeons invading our balcony. There were none but Marlene could not resist the call to action,whilst she charged the window barking Spike got his ball back. After all that I forgot to ask why Herrad had been so upset.

My dog.

Last night, or more correctly this morning it found me out. I woke bathed in sweat and shaking. I was terrified. I had no idea what I was frightened of only that I was panicked. As I lay there it was obvious why I was scared. Herrad is sick. I will lose her one day and I do not know how to live a day with out her. I started crying- when I say started it was instant. In one moment tears filled my eyes and flooded down into my ears.
My dog, Spike, is very sweet on me. He pushed the door open jumped up on the bed and cuddled up to my chest. He got me through the moment. I never really slept again but felt a bit safer with my ferocious Jack Russell to guard me.