Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Scary scary world!

I have not been writing -in fact I have been hiding. I was right into communicating and contacted old friends and was contributing to some discussion forums but then I just felt too exposed- too open. Assumptions made and questions asked made me feel obliged to be explaining every thing to every body all the time. I need friends in real time and face to face and suddenly the inadequacies of cyber friendship mocked my isolation more than alleviated it. I despaired at the stupidity of some of the nasties who have to leave vicious comments on vulnerable peoples blogs. Any way I am either feeling a bit better or going into a manic phase- either way I should be active again- must dash Herrad is calling.


steve said...

You are right. There is no substitute for flesh and blood friends. They are fantastic for sympathy and distractions. The closest ones can even provide a bit of understanding.

And still, I know that I am better for having met you and Herrad through your blogs a year ago. Reading the list of daily duties you compiled made me scream out "I'm not alone!" In the year since, I've selfishly used your blog as a place to say and discuss things that I don't feel comfortable discussing in front of BR's family on our blog. I swear his mother keeps a list of all the issues I mention and wants regular status updates. She's been through all this before several times and doesn't understand the mental paralysis I'm suffering as a newbie.

One of my favorite quotes from BR's favorite movie is "Get busy living or get busy dying." I often feel as if BR and I are in a limbo between life and death, and it's my duty to keep fighting for the good life until it is time to push for death. Problem is, most days I don't have much fight in me. On the other hand, when I do, life is good. Call that manic if you will.

My hope is that you and Herrad will find the strength to have many enjoyable days rediscovering your city and its people. Laughter is just a silly stranger away.

Patrick@Caregivingly Yours said...

Hey Richie! Personally I think the manic phase is our caregiver 'secret power'.

In our story, as caregiving has grown to 20 years its consuming demands made it nearly impossible to keep 'real world' friends in real time. Through the Internet I first learned that I was not alone.

Somewhere along the way a balance of Internet and reality has evolved.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

Christina said...

I know this is an old post - but I feel chatty. Hope that's ok.

Discussion boards can be hell. No matter what you discuss - from cat care to parenting to plastic surgery to vacations to health - you can find yourself in a most vicious exchange that's hard to comprehend. I usually have my guard up now in these environments and revert to irony and cracking jokes. I can't really discuss extremely serious topics there anymore - for all the reasons you've mentioned.
Breaks are the best - they've always helped me.

Hmmm... but it seems I have similar problems with my real friends. They often don't get it either and say something so stupid I certainly didn't want to hear.

I don't know about you and Herrad, but I often feel we are our best just left alone. Cocooning - gotta love it.