Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Grim reality comes knocking.

We are entering a new phase of Herrad's illness. Her arms are stopping working thus making her even more dependant on me. She is frustrated and scared by the developments even though we have discussed this happening it is still a shock when the real implications become obvious. She has woken crying in pain and unable to move her arms at all. I Massage them and get her some thc that gives some relieve but it is only a partial help. Last night she was working on her computer but could not cope with the complicated operations she needed to perform. I was just settling down to take things easy but had to assist. She was very frustrated and was rather unpleasant in her manner. I did my best to assist and remain relaxed and we managed to get the work done between us. I managed not to be too overtly effected but when I took the dogs out for the last walk I started to cry in the street. Herrad will not be with me much longer. She is aware of this and last night it hit me what that means for me. I can not face the future with out her. I have no life with out her. She is my reason for living. I can only look forward with despair.

15 comments:

Peace Be With You said...

You have both been heroes in dealing with this unimaginable situation -- courageous, determined, and an inspiration. My heart goes out to both of you. May your tears be replaced with solace.
Judy

janis said...

Hi Richie~
I have been following Herrad for some time now. I admire her so much & she makes me a stronger person. But you my Dear, are my hero. The love, support and care you give her amaze me.
I wish so badly I could comfort her in some way. I cherish the friendship I feel from our blogs. I do wish I could pop over & visit face to face.
Thank you so very much for being her dear Richie. You are amazing.
Love & prayers to you both.

Stephany said...

Oh no. All of us are here around the world sending lots of caring thoughts. So sorry for all of this for you and Herrad.

Che koala said...

oh Richie - everything the others have said and more.

thinking of you both

Lisa Emrich said...

Richie,
My heart goes out to you and to Herrad. You are her reason for living just as she is yours. You are both heroes (as has already been said). Sending very warm thoughts and prayers.
Lisa

Peace Be With You said...

Richie,
I have dedicated my poem of today to you and Herrad. Here is the link:

http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/05/heroes-both.html

Judy

Webster said...

Richie, I send my virtual love and support to you both, but especially to you for you must remain calm and strong when you are feeling depressed and weak. As I told Herrad a few days ago - "stay strong."

Your life will go on, when the time comes, as there is no other way to honor your Herrad.

Karen said...

Oh Richie, I am so sorry about the latest developments with Herrad. My heart goes out to you both. You are both courageous people.

Dan Digmann said...

Richie,
You and Herrad always have inspired Jennifer and me as we've pushed to move forward with this disease. May you both find comfort and strength knowing that you are in all of our thoughts and prayers. Dan

Headstrong said...

Sending positive thoughts out and sincere prayers up for two wonderful people dealt a dismal lot, who shine brightly as they carry on nonetheless. Best to you and your Herrad. Take good care.
Headstrong

Muffie said...

Richie, I'm so sorry that Herrad is suffering so much right now. I pray for both of you!
Peace,
Muff

Richie said...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Love to you all

steve said...

The only advice I can offer is to build a local circle of friends and start depending on them for things before Herrad goes. It will give you more quality time with her while she's here, and it will be easier to depend on them once she's gone.

I think about the two of you daily. I even got "The Frisco Kid" from Netflix. Pretty funny stuff.

-steve

Joyce said...

richie, i am just reading your blog for the first time tonigiht and i am so sorry......I have been reading herrad for quite awhile but didn't know your take on things, just knew you are a hero of heroes.....my thoughts will be with you......Joyce

Libby said...

richie, you are the best medicine for herrad, i'm sure! i'm praying for both of you tonight, along with everybody!