Grim reality comes knocking.

We are entering a new phase of Herrad's illness. Her arms are stopping working thus making her even more dependant on me. She is frustrated and scared by the developments even though we have discussed this happening it is still a shock when the real implications become obvious. She has woken crying in pain and unable to move her arms at all. I Massage them and get her some thc that gives some relieve but it is only a partial help. Last night she was working on her computer but could not cope with the complicated operations she needed to perform. I was just settling down to take things easy but had to assist. She was very frustrated and was rather unpleasant in her manner. I did my best to assist and remain relaxed and we managed to get the work done between us. I managed not to be too overtly effected but when I took the dogs out for the last walk I started to cry in the street. Herrad will not be with me much longer. She is aware of this and last night it hit me what that means for me. I can not face the future with out her. I have no life with out her. She is my reason for living. I can only look forward with despair.