Sunday, June 21, 2009

Waisting oxygen.

Today it is all too much. Herrad being sick pushes me to the edge anyway. Now I am scared to go out because of the jerk. I am feeling trapped and desperate. My life feels like one big losing battle. Right now this morning I do not want to wake to another like this.
Don't worry. I have said it now and feel just a little better. If you have done-thanks for reading.


gareth said...

HEY R sending you BIG STRENGTH and HUGS through the airwaves and thanks for burning those cds, had a hardskins momment the other evening just what I neeed a bit of AAaaaHhhhh.


FrankandMary said...

I can understand feeling trapped, but you are so very much less trapped than so many. I believe you are doing the only thing you'd ever want to be doing in this situation. Being there for & with Herrad. I admire you even when you can't seem to stand yourself.~Mary

Cranky said...

Richie - I've been there on the edge, too. So easy to get pushed there when have about as much as you can take in your day to day life, then something like the sadistic jerk comes along and, wham, there you are, just about to topple over. I admire all you do for you and your family.

Richie said...

Love you back Gareth
Thanks Mary thanks Cranky- I know you both understand, you taking the time to say so is very nice-loving it or hating it I will still be there for Herrad when she wakes up tomorrow- mostly 'loving it' even today!
(just made tamarind balls for her- I hope they work!)

Stan said...

Dear Richie:

All I can say is you have a right to feel what you feel. It would be a complete and total understatement to say these are hard and trying times for you and those you love.

I applaud your courage and fortitude in spite of the daily burden. You are truly golden in heart and tested true in soul. This, believe or not makes you stand out among us mere mortals of a lesser toil and challenge.

I wish I could hop on a plane and take care of this idiot neighbor Dog Nazi for you {I somehow don't believe I would as diplomatic, controlled, and restrained as you have been}. You have enough to deal with quite honestly; without having to put up with that kind of crap.

You are in my thoughts; and I wish the best each day for both you and Herrad.

Please continue to be strong, be well, and take the time feel just what you feel; as well as process these feelings as just the human being that you are. That does allow for a window of fallibility, but also with it, the gift of grace, renewal, and forgiveness.


Stephany said...

I think someone needs to kick that dog owner's ass!


Celeste Maia said...

I "discovered" Herrad's beautiful and strong blog some days ago. She became my heroine. I was diagnosed with CLL (chronic lymphocyte leukemia) 9 years ago, and it has not been an easy road. My husband has had to put up with a lot. So "finding" today your blog, your side of things, makes me cringe, thinking what is my husband going through? It is not easy! Keep strong! And vent all you want here.