Friday, April 10, 2009

I must keep going!

Today I aim to keep myself as positive as I can manage. We started the day with Herrad crying from pain physical and mental. It is part of my responsibility to her to create the atmosphere she needs to sustain her emotionally. In the last few days I have not been able to do this. Depression is a disease I suffer from just as MS is a disease Herrad suffers from. Sometimes her MS affects my depression and sometimes my depression affects her MS. Today Jack Russell therapy combined with massage and thc soon had us enjoying the April sunshine streaming through the windows. The radio offered us the twin delights of ranting against the new Bishop of Westminster (RC top dog in England) and a lovely programme about Laurence Olivier and the founding of the National Theatre. BBC Radio 4 can be fun!
Thanks for the encouraging comments. They help. I use this space to let go when it is going bad for me. It is part of making it better. As I write out my woes I find them less daunting. I am right to feel fear and sadness in a scary sad time. It is not stylistic that I usually end with a lighter remark. When I read back my grim tale I find it a little funny and I can not take things quite as seriously. Even in the worst days Herrad and I spend more time laughing than crying. Thanks for the support but do not worry: Herrad and I are still a strong team.


Anne said...

I know this is your "place to scream" but we as humans feel the natural need to offer encouragement back to you because you are feeling so low.

Depression is a disease that comes and goes (even with MSers!!) and I hope it goes for a long while so you and Herrad can enjoy the holiday and that wonderful April sunshine you are getting.

It is dismal and raining here in Pennsylvania and will be until Sunday.

Nothing like doggie therapy to lift one's spirits. We love our animals, don't we!


Cranky said...

Richie - as a fellow caregiver, I can relate to how your mental state affects Herrad's and how her MS affects your mental state. The same thing happens here with Skip (my wife with MS) and me.

I am in Massachusetts (near Boston) and we are looking to have a lovely sunny day here, too. Am hoping Skip, our two dogs and I can get a walk in later.

Take care!

Patrick @ Caregivingly Yours said...

Well said!

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

steve said...

The closest we have to BBC Radio 4 is NPR. My favorite program is This American Life, followed closely by Car Talk. You can hear both online if you are interested.

Episode 283 of TAL is called "Remember Me", and is particularly moving.