Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Miserable git.

I have not had anything to blog for a few days 'cos I am feeling too low to share. Maybe turning fifty next week is getting to me. I do not want to celebrate but that is not an option with a Trinidadian in the house.
I was thinking about people congratulating me for being born and managing not to die yet and it all seemed such an obscenity. I am not happy to be alive and I was not wanted when I was born... and I got a puncture and it rained and... (distant whining voice fading to infinity)
I know there is some one worse off than me: she has to live with me! I'll go and be nice to her for a bit now- she will make it all seem worth while again.


Anne said...

I'm sorry you are feeling low. 50 is a big milestone to each of us who get there. Even though Herrad can't jump up and put a party together physically for you, she does have a telephone and I do not doubt she will use it!!

"I was not wanted when I was born...." you said. None of us can choose the circumstances of our birth or the life we are born into (at least according to most cultures). I myself was born into a very abusive family that did not end for me until the final one died, thank GOD!!! The physical abuse ended when I was 15 because I ran away from home.

But not once did I ever try to kill myself. Instead, I removed myself from their presence by running away, reporting them to higher authorities, and changing my circumstances that were within my power.

Look at your circumstances now. You have a lovely wife who loves you and whom you love dearly. Okay, she is no longer able to keep house, make meals, etc. But she is still there with you. You still HAVE HER in your life.

It could all have been very different for you if Herrad were not in your life, as I am sure you have reflected upon in your private moments.

I am very thankful that Herrad has YOU and even though you may have days when you are overworked and feel underappreciated, know you are a keeper. Herrad could not ask for a better caregiver than you.

Early happy birthday. I am glad you are there.

Chin up.
Love, Anne

steve said...

All I can do is throw you a rope. You have to grab it.

FrankandMary said...

I am not congratulating you for being born or managing not to die yet. When I say~ Happy Birthday, Richie what I mean is I hope you find some happiness in your birthday, in your life with Herrad, in your NOW.

Surrender some of the sh*t to the wind & breathe in some Herrad.
:-) Happy Birthday, Richie. ~Mary

steve said...

Sorry about that last comment, Richie. It was too brief and obtuse to have meaning to anyone but myself.

I'm a big believer in the birthday. As caregivers, we give and give and give, and then give some more. I've claimed my birthday as one day in the year when I lay out the things that give me joy, and then go for it without guilt. It feels fucking great!

Anonymous said...

hey R, well you are allowed to be miserable and pissed off and hey its just another birthday So if ya dont want to celabrate then dont But ya better dam well open
ya Presants or there will be trouble :)Strength @ BIG HUG GX

Chekoala said...

Hey Richie - do you ever get to see 'The Mighty Boosh'? Can't help but particularly recommend the episode where Vince and Howard have to save the world from 'Nanageddon'.

So far I have found they make it really hard not to accidentally chuckle no matter how much I am feeling like light heartedness is on another parallel universe.

all the best, here's to Unbirthdays, even Morrissey-style or maybe especially Morrissey-style??

[sorry if I have posted this multiple times - please delete the excess - couldn't tell if I had successfully posted, sorry)