Sunday, February 15, 2009

And Scotland lost as well...

What a stinking weekend. Herrad has been in a lot of pain and getting depressed. She has talked to me about it so I know what is going on. I still find it difficult to be of so little help. I do not blame my self for Herrad being ill but I do blame my self when she is depressed. I know that this is not logical. It is not the level of care I give that is making her sad: it is physical pain and the frustration of disablement. Guilt is a waist of energy but it is an old hang up of mine- I used to joke that being raised by a lapsed Catholic was worse than being raised by a practising Catholic because I got all the guilt but no access to redemption. Any way it is not my fault- Herrad will inevitably get down. One day she will not want to go on living. That is what MS does to people. This weekend reminded us both of that fact.

1 comment:

mcwflint said...

Perhaps you are gaining redemption by the fact you have chosen to stay, by worrying about another's pain.

It is hard to stay upbeat when in pain. It always helps me to have someone near - though sometimes I'd prefer the near far enough away that I can't hear a thing - especially on a migrane day.