Last night, or more correctly this morning it found me out. I woke bathed in sweat and shaking. I was terrified. I had no idea what I was frightened of only that I was panicked. As I lay there it was obvious why I was scared. Herrad is sick. I will lose her one day and I do not know how to live a day with out her. I started crying- when I say started it was instant. In one moment tears filled my eyes and flooded down into my ears.My dog, Spike, is very sweet on me. He pushed the door open jumped up on the bed and cuddled up to my chest. He got me through the moment. I never really slept again but felt a bit safer with my ferocious Jack Russell to guard me.
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8 comments:
Oh my darling reading this now I am in floods of tears too.
Sorry to hear you had such a bad night hope it's a better one tonight.
Love you so very much wish I could take the pain away but sadly can't turn the clock back to before the MS if I could make it go away for us both I would.
Thanks for all your love and care you are keeping me living happily.
Love,
Herrad
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Richie,
Animals are so very sensitive to our needs and emotions. Wonderful that Spike knew what you needed at that very moment.
I can hardly imagine the heart-wrenching emotions which you and Herrad are both experiencing.
It's not fair that Herrad will leave you. But it is wonderful that you two have each other in the here and now.
Stay present in your love and allow the emotions to pass through you, including joy.
Big hugs to both of you.
Love, Lisa
Oh my goodness..such hard and piercing pain, shatters me totally as I witness such pure, unselfish, unconditional love, the most positive and exhilarating a feeling any one of us could ever have..so very a special love you have for each other...I want to celebrate that. Hold on to your courage and know that you are, each one of you loved by others. Big hug and lots of love to you both!
Our animals and closest friends seem to get us through our hardest times. Animals KNOW when something isn't right with their caretakers and Spike knew with you. That's why he jumped on the bed and snuggled with you.
I am sure your dilemma is very much in Herrad's mind as it is in yours. Leaving is not any more easy than being left. Enjoy each other every day, even if it only means sitting together to watch tv.
Take care,
Anne
Thank you for your comment on my post. It's obvious that you are going through a very difficult time. I don't pretend to know all that it entails or understand how you feel. I had a daughter die of SIDS and it was so miserable I couldn't function. I had cancer and went through several surgeries and chemo which was quite hard. Through it all, however my sweetheart was always there beside me and somehow we were able to work things out together. I don't know if I could stand it if she were sick. I think it's harder for the one that isn't sick than the one that is. You are in my prayers during this difficult time.
My dogs get me thru so much. They don't have to say anything but it's as if they understand what I am going thru.
Hug them and Herrad every chance you get. We are all praying for you.
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