Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Is he going to leave you?

When it was diagnosed that Herrad had MS and as it became obvious it was going to be really shitty people started asking Herrad about me. “Is he going to leave you?”
Funny till that point it had not occurred to me that I could. I could not see why I should want to. Herrad and I are a partnership. MS was happening to us. At first I was a bit shocked. How dare people even think I would shit on the love of my life just because things get rough? I would expect Herrad to care for me in similar circumstances. My Dad didn’t get on his bike when my Mum got cancer. He nursed her through the painful last days of her life. He and I may not have always got on but that is something I love him for- he loved my Mum.
I started to read blogs and chat rooms about MS and then found the reason for the questions: lots of men run when it starts getting nasty.
I was a failed comedian with no job, house or visible means of support when we got together. I guess I didn’t fall into the “most eligible” category. Many of Herrad’s friends are middle class. Not every one thought Herrad was very wise to get involved with me. They have known men from their background who bottle it. Cut and run in the cruelest most selfish manner. “Good men”- lawyers, business men and the like. So OK it would not be too strange for a scruffy geezer like me to sneak off- I screwed most things up- why should this be different?
So I decided it was amusing when Herrad’s aunty Sigrid called from Canada every month and asked if I was leaving. She wanted to be re-assured because she had talked to people with experience of this disease and many of them were dumped by their partners.
I am going nowhere without my Herrad. Sigrid now thinks I am quite a guy. She sends me her love now and asks what I am cooking for dinner. If anyone else thinks I am not good enough for Herrad they can stick their opinion where the sun don’t shine. The rank is but the Guineas stamp, the mans the gold for all that.
It is not easy dealing with the hard stuff but I would not to hide. I chose right and I salute all you men and women who have made the same choice as me. Let love rule.


Stephany said...

Bravo, Richie.

Stan said...

Dear Richie:

Great Post! I could get long winded and type this long rambling dissertation; but I think you said it as well as it can be said in simple and heartfelt truth. The power of Love is an amazing gift and miracle.

Yours Truly,

PS I wrote Herrad and you a post on my blog a few days back; you know one of those read it ten times and then you say "what the hell is wrong with this guy". But it's there when you have eaten something really bad or rotten, and need a little help throwing up. {Laughing}

mortonlake said...

bloody hell richie.the best entry ive read of yours.well said that man.keep caring,keep loving,mort

Amelia said...

Well done Richie!
I, like Herrad, am in the lucky category, in that my man stood by me. I did give him the choice of leaving when I was diagnosed. I told him that he didn't sign up for this etc and he just said to me "Nor did you"
I would be lost without Martin and I am sure Herrad feels the same.
I have so much respect for men like you, but shouldn't it be the way things are? Shouldn't the majority of men stick around instead of doing a runner? It's a shame there aren't more men like you and Martin around.
Congratulations and just keep loving her!

Richie said...

Martin understands just what a good thing he has got!
Lots of love to you both.